|Posted by Kimaya Crolla-Younger on January 10, 2014 at 2:00 PM|
When I suggested to Nigel he might like to inhabit his body more, he gave me a look that suggested I was quite mad. ‘Inhabit my body? If I’m not in my body, then where in the hell am I?’ There is a real truth in him mentioning hell, as it can feel like a very real kind of hell if we are living largely from the mind. My experience is that we live in only parts of our body, often the front. There are several reasons for this; we copy the somatic patterning of one of our caregivers to fit in to our families. Traumatic events can lead us out of our bodies, into our heads and the space around us.
Until we decide to come Home.
Nigel accepted my invitation and the journey into his body began…
In our British culture there is considerable guilt, shame and fear in truly inhabiting the pelvis. Nigel had been packed off to an all boys boarding school as a very wee boy and sexuality did not feature in his young life, other than in between the covers of Penthouse and experiences with other boys from school, which left him feeling ashamed and confused.
…Nigel’s body started to shake and rock back and forth when he was in his pelvis and I invited him to feel the qualities of his gender and sexuality. At the same time, his throat closed up and he almost stopped breathing. We were meeting the somatic patterning I mentioned earlier.
At the end of the session, he looked at me in total bewilderment. ‘I had no idea I could actually have an experience of myself, both as a man, a sexual man, and for it to feel welcome and safe in my body.’
Then Nigel wept.
It was the first time he had cried in 15 years.
Part III to follow.