Opening To The Deeper Mother
"My Mother Didn't Love Me". As a general rule, people are very uncomfortable when they hear me say this, coming back very quickly, with something like "she loved you the best she could", but this only perpetuates the problem. I'm not really interested in hearing that she loved me the best she could. I am more interested in love itself, a clear, direct and unconditional experience of it, and to gradually see and unbind the shall we say problem, being the inaccuracies and distortions of what we call and in turn, believe to be love, which arose out of trauma and/or cultural inheritance, passed down (unconsciously) in the environment of childhood from our caregivers. Bit of a mouthful there!
In this day and age of Soul Mates and Twin Flames and desire for an intimacy that is more real than our ancestors’ experience, it’s important that we discover and question what kind of behaviour, what kind of expression, we are calling love.
This year is the 23rd anniversary of my mother’s passing, and there is a sweet synchronicity that I found myself staying close to the house I lived in, all those years ago. So what about the Deeper Mother? In my healing and restorative journey of more than two decades, I was struck by how I was taken by my therapist time and again, to my experience of mother. And this was both necessary and useful for at least 10 years of my explorations.
But then I didn’t find it useful anymore. It was kind of jarring. I knew there was something else. But I didn’t know what. I kept this question alive in me, and I continued to dig deep...Life continued to call me to look deeper... I had to unbind what I used to say about love.
"I have always felt loved", and I used to attribute it to my mother loving me. But this was inaccurate, and lead me to also believe that love meant being criticised, humiliated and controlled.
But this is not love, this is fear.
The reason I felt loved, I discovered, was because I AM LOVE, yet I notice, like myself at one time, how we have a tendency to not move past whatever our perceived sense of mother is, our psychology.
I invite you to take a look at what you say about 'mother'...and to see how this might influence how you experience life and love. The Deeper Mother is awaiting your discovery. I am knowing the Deeper Mother as a felt sense in the body. This is my experience of mother. Not of my actual mother. And it’s this ground of being that I point towards here. It’s not externalising mother in goddesses etc., it’s about your underlying felt sense of yourself and nervous system. And more than this too.
I did some consulting in schools for a while and during meetings with head teachers, there would be various playground fights that would be brought to their attention. The worst fights were ignited from slagging off each other’s mothers. It was the worst thing you could possibly do; didn’t matter how tough you were, no-one slagged off their mum! This is how deep it goes.
I am developing The Deeper Mother Embodiment Series for you to download and experience. The first one below has the theme of safety.
Buy the download of The Deeper Mother Embodiment Practice - Safety, for £9 via the below PayPal button. Until I find the right platform for my audio downloads, I will be sending them manually, so there will be a several hour delay from me receiving your payment and me sending you the download link! Thanks for bearing with me in advance :).